The cultish blues band, known as the one and only Bluesy Bros., have seemingly disappeared off the face of the earth. What has become of these two gentlemen, and asks all their supporters? (Those one or two) 

“Tis quite a mystery. Hmmmm… hmmmm…” - says Roger McDomer from La Underground

Police throughout the globe are on the hunt! 

“It’s been two months or so since they were last seen” - says Head of Police, Terence Matthews

There are great cries from the bands followers. The Bluesy Bros. themselves have started to be looked at as gods of a sort from some of there… more eccentric followers. They have been revered in the streets for great deeds they may or may not have preformed. Of late The Prophet (Emon Harirchi) has begun proclaiming to all, of their greatness, to any in the vicinity. Current numbers of people who have turned to the Bluesy Bros. are not currently known.

Many are wondering if these men are becoming a danger. Due to such thoughts, others have begun calling their disappearance a government conspiracy. Government officials have declined to make any statements on this accusation, only leading to further suspicions. 

The search shall continue. 

Sleazy Trashbag, signing off.

That’s right kiddos, The Bluesy Bros. are here to  spread Holiday Spirit! Kinda. It has been posted on soundcloud, go have a listen! Here: http://soundcloud.com/thebluesybros/tracks?page=2

Nick entered the cave rambunctiously, for his discovery of pirates in the cave put him in such a good mood, he began singin’ songs and bongo-in’ beats and jammin’ on the french horn. All at the same time. His entrance was so loud and raucous, he quite obnoxiously woke the dead.

“Oh Lawd! What in the hell is happenin’ here? And who’s this cat, walkin’ in here like he owns the place? I was sleepin’!”

“Louis Armstrong?!” Nick exclaimed. “Wowzers trousers! I would never have thought to run into somebody in this dark, spooky cave! Especially not a Divine Entity!” For, Louis Armstrong was no man, but a creature of Heaven, sent down to Earth to lay down some sweet jams for the people, particularly with one Ella Fitzgerald. The humans had earned it, after all their hard work with advancing civilization and whatnot. He eventually got bored however, and left to take a very long nap, apparently in a spooky cave.

“Oh my! Well if it isn’t the Big Man himself, came to pay ol’ Satchmo a visit! Heh heh, well what brings ya here?”

“I’m looking for pirates! I’m gathering a crew, and was told that I may find some pirates in the depths of this ghastly, terrifying, god forsaken cave!”

“Pirates? Well I must say, I’ve always wanted to meet one o’ dem pirate folk! Come on homie, lets play us some dixie and jazz tunes on the way there!”

Nick and Louis Armstrong continued walking, this time with Nick playing a stand up bass, saxophone, drums, violin, ukelele, sitar, Zamboni, and a myriad other instruments, while Louis played some trumpet and sang. After about five days of walkin’ and jammin’, one of their songs was interrupted by a deep, monstrous voice as thick as…well, something that’s really thick.

“Who daaaare enter my realm of terror and DOOM?”

The voice was malevolent and angry, booming at them from all directions.

“Well just who the hell do you think you are, interrupting one of the greatest duets in all of the universe’s history?” Nick shouted angrily. They were at a particularly good part in “When the Saints Go Marchin’ In,” and they were stopped by this ignorant beast. How dare it!

“This is my cave, the Cave of Spooky Terror. All who enter shall die a most fearsome and horrific death!”

This triggered a sudden realization in Nicks mind: if all who entered died, then that must mean that there are no pirates!

“Halt, foul beast! Does this mean that this cave contains no pirates? None at all?” Nick asked, visibly enraged by this crime against him.

“No, ye stupid fool! I-“

The beast was cut short by the immediate destruction of the planet. The fury of a God denied pirates is certainly a sight to be seen.

Nick, rather agitated at his lack of a crew, simply deemed himself and Louis to be pirates, conjured up a pirate ship, and sailed through space, shouting ARRR! Nobdy heard them though, since sound can’t travel through space an whatnot. They still had a hell of a good time though.

I wonder if any of our sad amount of 5 followers get irritated whenever one of our huge stories appears of their dashboard… hahahaha suckers…

And thinkin’ of when!!! When you… loved me… 

Sorry it was absolutely necessarily! I can’t title a story using Frank Sinatra and not complete the line of the song. Anyhow! That is not the point of this tale. This is the tale of the most diligent, intelligent, transient, man to ever traverse the universe. And he was on a most daring quest. A quest to find himself a suitable breakfast. 

And due to his ever so difficult journey, he found himself on a planet, formerly known as… Earth (now known as the New Roman Empire II). And so he walked. Walked up and down the streets of the great empire. Looking for food. Decent food. Which brought him to the one place, that in all his time, had never failed him. IHOP. (Intergalactic House of Prostitution). Upon leaving, he realized that he never did get any breakfast. And after such hard work he believed he deserved some. So he waltzed in to the nearest dive he could find. Literally waltzed in. For he had taken one of the IHOP wenches with him.

And there they sat. In a pretty miserable Mexican Grill. *So miserable in fact, that the only guest was some dirty Swiss fellow (for all who come from Switzerland return with some grime), drinking away his sorrows (which were most likely derived from his stay in Switzerland). But they (not including the Swiss drunkard, because- oh you get the point) were having… fun… anyway. Finally his meal came. His fork was raised. His mouth was open. And POOF!!!

He disappeared without every getting a single crumb of food.

Jeremy really hated being one of the most transient men who ever traversed the universe at times.        

* I didn’t see any drinking goin down, so i threw some in -Nick

The Cave of Spooky Terror was deep, and it was dark, and was home to what was possibly one of the most terrifying creatures in the star system Dog.

Nick had arrived on the planet Saad on accident, as he took a wrong turn on his way to Tortuga so he could gather a crew of pirates. He was angered when he found out that where he was was not his destination, but he needed pirates, and so he figured he would at least look around the place.

After walking about the rather spooky village he found himself in, which was blanketed in fog and quite cold, he found a local bar. “Ah,” he thought, “If I am to find pirates in this strange land, they are sure to be in here.” And so, Nick kicked open the door to the bar with unnecessary violence and walked in purposefully.

What he saw was shocking, to say the least. All the inhabitants of the village were gathered in the bar, which didn’t seem to be a bar at all, and was far bigger on the inside than it was outside. Upon looking at it’s exterior, it looked like a small establishment, with room enough for about forty people at the most. Its interior, however, had to be bout the size of two football fields side by side, and it had high ceilings and was completely bare. The citizens were 10-foot-tall creatures, with elongated faces and two large holes as black as pitch for eyes. Their skin was pale, their noses were hooked, and their mouths hung half open. They cloaked their entire bodies in white. They were in the middle of stoning one of their own kind to death, and the victim lie bruised, bloodied, and wailing pitifully on the ground in the middle of them when they all turned their unmoving faces towards Nick.

“Hey kiddos, any of you know where I can get me some pirates up in dis bitch? I need a crew.”

The phantom-like creatures looked spookily at Nick, as everything the inhabitants of Saad did was generally deemed spooky. After about a minute of spooky staring, one of them rose into the air, and the torches on the walls and ceilings seemed to dim. The room grew cold as it said, in a hideous whisper, “That which you seek, traveler, may be found in the depths of the Cave of Spooky Terror, the most horrifying place any living thing may go. It lies roughly a mile away, but I warn thee, what lies in tha-“

“Suh-weeeeeet! Thanks man!” said Nick intelligently, as he was walking out the door towards the huge, dark, and incredibly spooky cave.

However, he lost interest in writing this at the moment, and decided to finish it up later.

The clock tower was the most important thing to the people of pembroke village. They counted on it’s musical chimes to tell them everything, when to wake up, when to get to work, when to leave work and so on. And once a year they had a day to honor the clock tower, or rather, the owner. There was always someone who gave up their life in the village for the continuance of others. For, you see, the villagers also depended on the clock tower for life. If even one of the gears in the complicated mechanisms of the thing were to stop working, time itself in that little village would stop. Anyways, on one of these days honoring the owner of the tower, many balloons and other fanciful objects were released into the air, wind, and sky. And from inside of the clock tower, a young girl, who had taken the responsibility of time into her own hands, stared at the balloons, longing for one of her own. Now, the year before, she had vowed to get a balloon for herself, as she had not had one since she was a toddler. She ran to the window and reached for a balloon, but alas, it was just out of reach. She frowned and looked around, looking for something that she could use to grab the balloon, which was now far out of reach. Frustrated, she ran down the many flights of stairs and threw the great doors open, stepping outside. But now the colorful array of balloons, flowers, people, and decorations were all gray, frozen in time. She wandered around, staring in amazement at the pause in time. Her eyes fell upon a family; a mother and father with two beautiful young children, whom were frozen tossing flowers into the air.The young woman found herself frozen and for a while, she stood silently, gazing at what she once had that the children were experiencing now. She couldn’t be free, not anymore at least. Stealing one last glance at the children, she turned and walked calmly and slowly back to the tower, and through the doors into the cozy little room that seemed to welcome her. She climbed the stairs and resumed her place among the gears, who creaked to life, as if her being there brought the life back into their metal hearts. She turned with the gears, averting her eyes and ears from the festival which had returned to life. And as she was turning the gears, the window she had left open had allowed a bright yellow balloon to brighten up the girl’s drab little home among the clockwork. AND IN CAME JEREMY AND NICK!!!!!!!!!! AND SUBSEQUENTLY KILLED THE BASTARD!* -Morgan Wrote this on an iPod. Sorry if the story sucks and if I made a few grammatical or spelling errors, as both tumblr and my iPod seem to hate it when I type fast and decide to freeze for a second every thirty seconds or so. Hope you enjoyed, and to Jeremy: I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY NOW! Oh, and I despise auto correct with all my being.

….wait…. the point of the story seems to have surpassed me……. - Jeremy

Agreed, there appears to be something missing……us! -Nick

*Due to a heavy lack of excitement and appearance of us, I have personally taken action against the blasphemous writer of this pointless and unexciting story. Suck it Morgan!* - Jeremy 

I wouldn’t say heavy lack of excitement, it was a pretty cool concept. It just lacked our Great Presence to brighten up the tale, which you, sir, certainly corrected. Bravo. -Nick

It was dark. And raining. It was always dark and raining, Nick observed in retrospect, when such awful things were to happen to somebody. Such awful things…

Nick was wandering through the woods outside the village of H in the land of O on the distant planet Albert. The darkness of Albert’s moonless nights was a curtain of velvet shrouding the vision of our unfortunate wanderer. He shivered and shook in the pounding rain that fell mercilessly upon all who were not safe indoors. Such a storm had not been seen in Albert’s land in many a decade, and poor Nick was caught right the middle of it.

He wandered and walked and wandered some more, but as he wandered, something caught his attention. He thought he heard a horse galloping off somewhere in the distance. Now, anything out in one of Albert’s particularly furious storms was peculiar, but a horse? No, the horses here hated rain, his ears must have decieved him.

Yet, as Nick walked, the pounding of hooves on the rain-wetted dirt grew louder, and louder, and finally, he spotted a faint glow from the direction of the stomps. It came closer, the pounding of the hooves growing stronger, and stronger, they matched the sounding of the rain, nay, they surpassed it in their thundering might! Nick looked, and he saw a horse standing eight feet tall, with a large rider on it’s bare back all cloaked in black, holding a lantern in front of his intimidating face. The man was easily the size of two men, and would have frightened any other man but Nick.

Nick looked into the face of the rider, and the rider looked back. “I am Nick!” he shouted above the storm, “King of both Man and Beast, Lord of the Heavens, and Almighty Ruler of All! I say to you rider, who are you? What is your business?”

The rider, hearing Nick’s booming, terrifying voice, stared back at him a moment, remaining on his steed. The lantern between the two set a dim glow on both of their awe-striking faces.

“I am a man, on a quest.”

And he rode off.

Nick walked on.

- Nick

{A tribute to our soon to be, new Admin}

Jeremy walked alone. Yes. Alone. Without a mission nor a reason. He was simply walking. Inspired by things here or there but never motivated enough to do anything other than keep walking. Simply without purpose. (For any wondering, Nick was off fighting the alien hordes in the Slavic Galaxy of Esperanza.) 

And after a long while of walking, the road simply ended. It ended at the door to a lonely house, on a lonely hill, on a lonely plain, on a lonely soil, on a lonely tectonic plate, on a lonely core, in a lonely planet, in a lonely galaxy (Not the Slavic galaxy of course, cause’ that place was rockin’ it with battles of immense proportions and the like.) Basically everything you can think of was extremely lonely. Including Jeremy himself. 

He looked upon the door with a rather sad and lonely curiosity and opened the door. All the while he subconsciously mused to himself that maybe he might find something not lonely behind the door. But there was a rather small chance of that (.4601% chance to be exact) that something exciting may be behind that door. And rather sadly he discovered he was right. There was absolutely nothing behind the door of interest. He walked in. Looked around, was not disappointed, because he had no expectations at all, and in the end simply decided to take a seat. 

“WHOA, whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa. Punk. You are in my chair.”

“Shut up. You are but a lonely ghost. Leave me.”

“Saaaaaay whaaaaa????? Bro you is one crazy foo! Get on outta’ my house. Out!”

This is the force that brought Jeremy out of his stupor. This thing who dared tell him what to do. This thing turned out to be a lady. And this lady turned out to be some chick (yes, there is absolutely a difference), and this punk ass chick turned out to be named Morgon. 

He turned to her, and settled his eyes upon her face that was so intrigued by his intrusion upon her home. And there next conversation went something like this.

“Yo.”

Just like that…. but he continued!! 

“It seems I have rudely walked into your home. And now that my vision has cleared I have come to understand you collect some pretty cool crap. Join me! And together we shall rule the galaxy! And stuff…”

“Sir your proposition is most peculiar. So I’m callin’ B.S.”

“Huh… now that you mention it, you’re right. That was all total crap. Honey lets just book it and find somewhere not so boring and lonely.”

And so they did…

Welcome Morgan, to The writings of The Bluesy Bros. 

- Jeremy